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A bit more of my Lockdown One sort-of-memoir!
Day 44 – no walk
Going away for a few days really shook things up? Why does breaking a routine make it so hard to return to that routine? In my case, I have just over 2 weeks to finish a book and submit it, so it’s on my mind all the time. I’ve also been trying to spend as much time as I can with my kid … but now it’s time to get serious and write, write, write.
I hope I can keep the morning walks up, but if not I’m going to switch them out for afternoon walks with the dogs … and reset my routine once I’ve submitted my manuscript.
I know that’s JUST FINE, but I do feel a bit disappointed that I can’t seem to prioritise what’s been making me feel so well. Maybe as the days roll out I will worry less about delivering my book and slip them in?
This is WHAT I DO. I put aside the things that work for me, in favour of … work. I need to NOT do this!
Day 45 – Friday
Meeting
Writing
Research
Long chat with MM
Day 46 – …
I’m really feeling the weight of the deadline and can’t seem to find my walking mojo AT ALL. Maybe this afternoon with the dogs?
Note: Did not walk with the dogs. Spend the day researching and writing.
Day 47 – …
Deadline is looming. 15 days to go. I’m running out of money. Sigh. I slept 12 hours last night, walking at 8 this morning and feeling not like walking at all. Perhaps this is a way of coming to terms with my reliance on habits? Perhaps I can push through this weird period, finish my manuscript and let myself off the hook if I don’t adhere to my walking routine?
But I know I will feel so much better if I walk. Maybe tomorrow? Tomorrow is Monday. Monday is a good day to start again
I submitted my final poem for my poetry course today. I love learning about poetry so much, it’s like walking … untethered and surprising and challenging.
Second nature
Cool darkness
seeps into
that green-trimmed cloak
shot through
with fins and frog legs
like a trick
they arc rippling goodbyes
and then
they go
Bird brothers
tilt and bow
tuxedoed clique
then shake
damp feathers
into whiskery knives
that cut into
the mirrored
shadow sky
to linger
too long under
far below
peach-pink
tumbles of blooms
marble the light
As dew drops
lace the death caps
prettily
those pearly presents
hide
an artful trap
buds spill
their nectar
sharing sacred truths
sweet leaves
reach out
envelop soothe enwrap
then stitch themselves
into
the life beneath
the velvet moths
the patchwork
butterflies
The precious ones
draw in the
forest breath
their restless
souls
concealed revealed surprised.
Day 48 – …
Monday. The first day of winter and it had been raining since the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep, instead lying awake for an hour at 1am before deciding to watch several episodes of Little Fires Everywhere until the wee hours of the morning.
I woke again at 8 and it was still raining. I’ve decided to give myself another rule – an alcohol-free June. Even if I don’t manage regular walks between now and deadline, I can contribute to my health in other ways, right?
Maybe I can make myself walk in the rain today? I’ve honestly been feeling really flat and stressed. Is it because of the circumstances or the non-walking? I am not sure. Chicken, egg, etc.
I made a giant vegetable curry, hunkered down against the weather and worked on the mum book. The riots in the wake of George Floyd’s death rolled on the TV in the background.
Before bed, I read an Angela Carter story – The Werewolf – for my new short fiction unit studies and fell asleep thinking about its fearsome girl character.
How amazing it must be to read this now Pip and know that your book is finished and about to be launched into the book world! 💛
Sometimes if I'm not doing the walking (and so tricky due to dodgy back pahhh) I do the 100 steps after dinner thing instead with the Pony. Because we once saw an owl and all that but I dunno it just seems pleasant and easy and like a big treat. Its also kind of strange as it reminds me of being sick last year and Pony encouraging me around while I wobbled like Bambi... still kind of similar this year, not quite as wobbly though - unless its a can't feel a foot day and then its possibly a bit stompy! But overall I think it's good for me and we can always go back to things when we haven't had time for them and start again innit :-) x